A Season of Change

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” – Ecclesiastes 3

 

Day before yesterday I went for a drive. It was October 30th, and the West Virginia mountains painted an immaculate portrait of colors against the baby blue sky. Autumn is arguably one of the most beautiful seasons, but why? Autumn represents death, after all… but it also represents letting go, and accepting the impermanence of things. Autumn is a time that the universe is allowing itself to be reborn. It’s a beautiful renewal.

 

As I sat in my car in the middle of Kanawha State Forest, I began to analyze my current situation. There are many circumstances in my life that I do not understand. In the past few months, God has torn down all of my walls and left me feeling destructed and dismantled. He has crashed over my life like a hurricane and washed away with bits and pieces of who I am, or was, as a person. It has caused me to question myself… to question Him and His great plan for my life. It took stepping back from the chaos of my situation to realize that when God breaks us down, it is only to rebuild us better than before. Sometimes, it is necessary for God to reconstruct our lives in order for us to grow.

 

My life is like the trees in the forest. My colors have changed. My leaves have fallen from my branches, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable. I have experienced the rough snows of Winter. The winds have been chilling and powerful. Some of my branches have broken… but Spring is approaching me. My leaves are sprouting, and I am excited to see how beautiful they grow to be. He is developing me into something better than I could have ever imagined, and I am ready to bloom into my season of renewal.

 

Even when I don’t understand, I trust in His great plan for my life. He has abundance and beauty planned for me. He is the author of my story, and it is well with my soul.

“The He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” – Revelation 21:5

Unshakeable Faith

“For I know the Plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

 

A little over a week ago, I completed my sophomore year at the University of Charleston. Over the course of this academic year, I have experienced a multitude of emotions, obstacles, and victories. For those of you who have not followed my journey (refer to my first blog post, A Divine Intervention), I was called by God to study to become a Physician Assistant. I sought His guidance in my life and after many months of prayer and supplication, I was given my answer… loud and clear.

How selfish and fleshly of me to believe that I was finished seeking Him after He gave me something that I wanted.. I am human and I am nothing without Him, yet I tried to take matters into my own hands.

I experienced more obstacles this year than I ever had before. I struggled with academics, personal problems, and debilitating illness. The devil has been fighting me harder than ever before. He wants me to fail. He wants me to lose. SO many people doubted me… They still do. There were more times than not that I felt unworthy. Stressed. Sick. Depressed. Stupid. Less than. Defeated. I was allowing satan to get the best of me. I was drowning in negative emotions and thoughts. In the midst of all this affliction, I began to question God.. Is this path really for me? Can I do this? Am I smart enough? Should I even try anymore? I felt so trapped by my anxiety and self-doubt. My clarity was quickly fading.

I began to ask close family and friends for prayer. I felt as though I could not pray for myself in that season of my life. I felt like there was no point. My mother continued to tell me that I needed to have unshakable faith. Faith would reassure me. Faith would bring me to a better place. I tried, but I failed.. over and over and over again. I was a slave to negative thoughts. I was bound by the ill-willed pessimism that satan was feeding me.

Something HAD to change. I could not continue on like this, so I took a break from my secular life and had a raw heart-to-heart with Jesus. I poured out my heart and left my negative thoughts and my unhealthy attitude at His feet. I could feel the chains being loosened from me. I was no longer bound by satan. He lifted my spirits and restored me. He gave me freedom. He gave me reassurance. All I had to do was have faith. Things are not perfect. I still struggle… everyone does. Just because I have a fresh perspective and a cleared path does not mean that I will not approach another mountain that will seem impossible to climb. As long as I remember to never stop seeking Him and maintain faith, He will direct me across that mountain to the place I need to be.

If I have learned anything in the past year, it is that God may set a clear path in front of us, but it is up to us to follow it. He will not drag us along the way like a puppy on a leash until we reach our final destination. He will give us our destination, but we must be the ones to continue to ask Him for directions. Sometimes our path can be covered in brush. Sometimes our path can have forks in the road. Sometimes we can lose sight of the real reason we are following a particular path to begin with… that’s why He wants us to continually seek Him for His guidance. He wants be the light unto our path… so we must be trusting enough to give up walking in the darkness. He has great plans for us, all we have to do is have unshakeable faith.

 

And the Lord said, “If you had faith as a grain of mustard seed, you could say unto this sycamine tree, Be plucked up by the root, and be planted in the sea; and it would obey you.” – Luke 17:6

“The Lord will fulfill His PURPOSE for me.” – Psalms 138:8

 

 

 

 

People Get Ready, Jesus is Coming

                           “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me..” – Psalm 23:4 NKJV

On the first of this month, I began the Daniel Fast with a friend of mine. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Daniel Fast, it is based on the fasting experience of the prophet Daniel from the Old Testament. During this fast, all food is restricted except for food grown naturally from the earth. “I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, until three whole weeks were fulfilled.” – Daniel 10:3 NKJV. This fast is designed to draw us as followers of Christ closer to Him, and I can honestly say the spiritual experience I receive from this fast is something I can’t adequately describe.. Instead of craving unclean foods, I crave the Holy Spirit and His Guidance.

For several years now, I have practiced a particular routine when reading my Bible. Every time I pick up my Bible to study, I first lay my hands on it and pray. “Lord, please lead me to the page, verse, or verses that YOU want me to see. Show me what YOU want me to read. I am giving YOU authority over my study.” ….Then I open. This strategy seems to work for me every single time.

Today, I found myself with some time to spare, so I decided my best option would be to study in my Bible. I sat down with a coffee, my bible, and my trusty highlighters and began to pray over my Bible. Being on the Daniel Fast, my senses are heightened to the Holy Spirit, causing me to feel where I am being lead to study. I closed my eyes and opened my Bible to the book of 2 Peter, Chapter 3 NKJV. The very first verse on that page reads “But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise, and the elements will melt with fervent heat, both the earth and the works that are in it will be burned up.”

Wow. That deeply resonated with me. So I closed my Bible, prayed yet again, and repeated the process…

This time, I opened to the book of Matthew, Chapter 24 NKJV. In this chapter, Jesus is speaking with his disciples. In verses 4-14, it says “And Jesus answered and said to them: Take heed that no one deceives you. For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many. And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows. Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and kill you, and you will be hated by all nations for My name’s sake. And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come.”

Chills took over my body. The Holy Spirit was speaking to me through the Word. This was no coincidence.

The end is near, and we MUST ready ourselves. We as the Body of Christ NEED to be preaching the Word like never before. We NEED to be recruiting new members daily to Team Jesus. We NEED to take a stand for our Savior who died so that we may live. We NEED to be fierce in our Christianity. Being a lukewarm, melancholy Christian will NOT cut it. We are MADE to be a force to be reckoned with in the name of Jesus. We are His warriors, and we need to start acting like it. Time is drawing near… people get ready.

I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah… He’s coming.

A Divine Intervention

At the young age of thirteen, I decided I wanted to become a Speech-Language Pathologist/Audiologist. I am and always have been the type of person who ALWAYS has to have a plan — some kind of direction set in place for me to follow. I began to learn sign language, and shortly after I began teaching it to the youth at my church. I quickly became affiliated with SLP’s from my community and members of the deaf community. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of the deaf. I had it figured out, or so I thought…

In the spring of my senior year of high school, I applied to my local community college and began registering for classes. My plan was to complete a year of general courses at the community college, then transfer to Marshall University to pursue my Master’s degree as an SLP.

Classes started in the fall, and within 4 weeks I realized I was making a HUGE mistake. I was becoming less and less interested in Speech-Language Pathology — and that was a problem. The bigger problem was that I didn’t know what I was interested in. One day it occurred to me that I had never prayed about what career path I was meant to take. Wait… I called myself a Christian and I had never prayed about one of the most important decisions in my life? I was disgusted with myself.

I immediately began fasting, reading and studying my bible every day, and seeking God as I never had before. Wow… There are no words adequate enough to describe how deep and personal my relationship with Him became. I prayed every single day for MONTHS for an answer and still — I got nothing. I cried. I doubted. I became tired. I became weary. But I kept trying nonetheless. I never gave up. I was SO desperate for His Guidance.

The day before the final day to register for spring semester was here. Still no answer. As I woke up that morning, I began to pray “God.. Please give me an answer. I need to hear from You. I am desperate. I am asking that I cross paths with someone today who tells me exactly what I should do with my life.” That may sound a bit far fetched, but I was running out of options. I began my day. I went to the spa for a facial… nothing. I went shopping… nothing. My last errand of the day was to get my car serviced at the Toyota dealership. It was expected to take two hours, so I sat alone in the waiting room and began to silently pray. “God, please talk to me.. I need you. Please speak to me. Please.” As I was focused on my cries to Him, a man sat down beside of me. He seemed so distracted by his cell phone. He must’ve been a busy man. As I was getting ready to give up hope, I heard a small voice. “Talk to him.” The voice said repeatedly. That voice was God. I said “God, if this is you, let the intercom (which had not been in use in at least 45 minutes) go off.” …. Guess what? It did.

“Hello sir, I don’t mean to bother you… but how are you today?” The words fell out of my mouth like alphabet soup. The man laid down his device and began conversing with me. Meaningless small talk. He then asked me about college and my plans. I told him my major, followed by the fact that I wasn’t sure if it was for me. He proceeded to say “I don’t know why I am saying this, but have you ever considered the medical field? I think you should be a Physician Assistant… The medical field is where it is at.” … There it was. There was my answer. As crystal clear as I could have ever wished. But why a Physician Assistant? I will admit, I was disappointed… but nevertheless, I obeyed His answer. As the man began to speak more in detail about the career, I became overwhelmed. God was speaking to me. God had answered my prayers. I immediately shared my testimony with the man, whom was elated for me.

As soon as I left the dealership, I scheduled my classes for spring semester — as a Biology major. This was all so surreal. I began to tell my family and friends. Many of them doubted me. They didn’t (some still don’t) believe that I am capable. The devil was already seeking to destroy, and I COULDN’T let him. I began to look at the University of Charleston, seeing that it was the closest university that offered a PA program. I prayed, sought, and applied.

On my nineteenth birthday, I received my letter of acceptance… with it was attached a $48k scholarship. Yet again, God was confirming that I was following His Divine plan for my life. The scholarships didn’t stop there. I received another for $25k. I toured the university and fell in love. God knew what he was doing in my life. He had a much greater plan for my life than I ever could have planned for myself.

I am currently in my fifth week as a sophomore at the University of Charleston. I am taking nineteen credit hours and I am more stressed than I have ever been before in my entire life. God never said that this would be easy… but he did say that I can do ALL THINGS through HIM (Philippians 4:13). Everything is a mess. Everything is chaotic. I am in a whirlwind… but I love it. I am fulfilling my destiny. I am fulfilling God’s Divine plan. I am a future Physician Assistant because that is what God wants me to be.